I can't really remember the last time I've actually been on this site tbh. It's been probably a year at least.
I have no idea whether or not I'm going to come back once in a while to update this dead account or to let it rot until whenever.
You see the only reason I only logged in today and decided to write something is, because I received an e-mail about someone trying to reset my password. (It's pretty obvious to me that it wasn't me so I was a little bit surprised by that.) In the end, thanks to that e-mail, I got curious and logged in after what seemed like forever in my opinion. I wouldn't even be surprised if my last check up was 1 or 2 years ago... Idk
To cut to the chase, a lot has happened in those years. It's pretty obvious it did, but that doesn't mean it wasn't at all overwhelming. I'm currently in my final year of high school and looking forward to going to college, I got my first tattoo this year, went to multiple concerts, fell in love and out of it again, learned more about my gender identity, found out about my learning disability and mental disability and last but not least gained and lost friends.
On the topic of friends, I think I equally gained and lost a lot in the years that I've been absent. The main reason why I've lost so many is not because of arguments or misunderstandings (or better yet finding out how nasty people can be), but mainly losing contact. I've always been bad at replying to others, and over the years it has taken it's toll. This website is a good example of that, Even though I never had a huge friend group on here I always had 2 or 3 people I could talk to who I considered good friends. Thanks to me, not being good at replying, those friendships vanished. To be honest, I regret that the most about leaving this website behind. I miss the fun conversations I used to have and I regret not keeping any contact. (So if your reading this, I'm sorry about that...)
Looking at this account does hit me with a surge of pain (or sadness idk..), because of losing friends. But also because it reminds me of the passion I used to have for drawing. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy it a lot. It's just that I used to be so passionate about going to an art college and creating a web comic, that looking at this account makes me sad how that passion has faded so much over the years. The fading activity on this account might be a sort of symbol for that hehe 😜
I'm going to abruptly stop this post, because I have no idea what to write atm and I'm probably going to cringe in the morning at how I formulated my sentences. Even though this post was pretty sad, I just felt like saying goodbye and this post (even though it's not finished yet) felt like the right thing to do just that.
I don't know if I'm ever going to update this account. Maybe once in a while I'll post an update on some character design I made or just fun doodles I made while going to school. Idk yet...
If you read this I want to thank you for going all through this awful post. I don't really think anyone is going to read this so I really appreciate it if you did.
Alex ( a.k.a. HologramPanda/Lunethis)
Ps. I wrote this on my phone, so I'm sorry if it's terribly written. I made this out of nowhere and didn't proof read it yet.